The Four Sons – Four Perspectives

The Haggadah characterizes four types of sons. In Hassidic writings, the four sons represent four perspectives or characteristics that are present in various stages of a person's life. At times we are inquisitive, like the wise son; sometimes we treat life frivolously, with disregard and contempt, like the wicked son; every so often we are patient and temperate, like the simple son; and on occasion we feel overwhelmed and detached, like the 'son who does not know how to ask.'

Pesach and the Seder are opportunities to connect each of these selves to tradition, especially in the wake of this challenging year.

The wise son. The wisdom of the wise son reflects the nature of his questions. He seeks depth and a different perspective. He explores the manner in which the world is run. He has the courage to challenge reality with profound inquiries. The wise son does not wait around for life to happen; he initiates and asks, so that he may find a doorway to deeper meaning, and enter with a sure step. Over the last year we have studied and tried to understand the new reality with which we were confronted; maneuvered the reality of scientific and social approaches while facing commentary, interpretation, and prediction. At times, we felt "wise."

The wicked son. The wicked son also questions reality, but his approach is derisive. He seeks to be different, and he mocks those who are different than him. The purpose of his questions is not to reach understanding; he is cynical and never satisfied. One year ago, when the pandemic began, we sometimes suspected that we were not being presented with the truth in its entirety; perhaps we even felt we were being manipulated and coerced, since everything seemed unexpected and counterintuitive to our life experience.

The simple son. The simple son is sometimes perceived as unintelligent; however, in the Torah, the word תם means 'whole' and unblemished, and speaks to one's moral character. The simple son is not naïve, but has the ability to embrace reality and live a life filled with constraints and complexities. On the one hand, this can be a simplistic, immature way of looking at the world; on the other hand this approach requires maturity and life experience, an understanding that the complex reality will pass and life will stabilize and get back to normal. Over the past year there were times when we acted plainly, without initiating, without seeking out meaning and change, instead putting our heads down until the pressure subsides.

The son who does not know how to ask. His position as the last son indicates that the son who does not know how to ask poses the greatest parenting challenge, even more than the wicked son's derisiveness. In day-to-day life, we meet people who are unable to express themselves, their pain and frustration. It's sometimes easier to ignore these sons, instead of putting in an effort to help them find their voice. On this challenging year, we sometimes felt we hardly have the bandwidth to invest in ourselves; if a child does not ask or complain, things may seem good enough to ignore those quiet needs.

I would like to point to another son who is missing from the text – the fifth son, the one who is not even at the Seder table. Across the world there are Jewish families who were unable to connect to the Jewish community or to the world of Jewish content which has become even harder to reach with social distancing.

It is my hope that, for all girls and boys, we will be able to continue engaging and posing challenges for the wise; providing satisfactory answers for the wicked; creating space for the simple and showing them that there is room to learn and grow; give a sense of security to those who do not know how to ask; and bring those who are not at the table back into the fold, offering them a framework for connecting to Jewish discourse on Pesach and all year round.

Chag Pesach Sameach,

Shoshi Becker

CEO